The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I want her autograph on my taint
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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