I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
