Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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