Nicole vs. Life
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
