I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
