Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
