____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
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If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
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Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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