well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
this hospital has no fireball
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
