I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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