i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
