fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
