Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
