I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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