Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
