between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
