I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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