He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
