too bad you live with your parents still
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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