So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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