I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
