Only a mothe r could love this liver
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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