tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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