Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She told me I should be a condom model.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
