found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
