just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
