Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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