Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
