my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
