Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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