a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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