I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Randomize
