Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
