Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Oh god it's open bar.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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