that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
