Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
