I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
