I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
