Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Tornado booty call.. dedication
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
