hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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