if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
