It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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