dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
