Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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