I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
