nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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