watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
