He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Randomize
