So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
