he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you win again, gameday.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
