I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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