My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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