the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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