my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The power of my boobs compel you
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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