Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
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When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
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Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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