I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
