you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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