please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
