Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
