and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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