so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
