I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
