I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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