she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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