i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize