so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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