Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
