And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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