Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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