1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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