come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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