I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We are two peas in an std pod
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
