Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
