You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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