Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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