I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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