I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
