she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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